you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
