we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
