Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
