I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
