going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
