i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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