You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
