you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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