the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
