what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize