While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
