he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
