Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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