dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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