The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She bit a glass in half.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
