Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
