this just has baby written all over it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
