i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize