My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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