is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
