In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
