I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the raccoons are back...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
