She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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