My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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