Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
