he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
