if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
