I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
