i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drake has all the answers
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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