We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
