Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
