I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
