jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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