I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
