He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Say something about gay babies.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
