I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
even my farts smell like vagina
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
there is glitter all over my balls
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