you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
