ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
