Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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