I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
