Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
