It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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