walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
