i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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