there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
