I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
