she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
