I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
