She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
