I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
