I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
