Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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