All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize