i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
