Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
