She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
