Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
