I wannas sexs uuuuu
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
