I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
