You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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