It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize