she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
as a side note pls kill me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
