I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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