I'm so fucking centered right now
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
