Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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