that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
