Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
