Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
