Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
