Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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