WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
