I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
