what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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