..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
